Kansas City Missouri - Week Thirty

Oh for the LOVE OF GOD.
Does the drama on this gig ever end????? Seriously? Does it?

OK
grab a cup of coffee or a cocktail, cuz this will be long, but it is totally unreal and worth the read.
I am saying this now or else I will say it 100 times before I am done with this entry...
YOU CANNOT MAKE THIS SHIT UP PEOPLE

So
I wake up on Monday morning. Not really well rested, because I get anxious on Travel Day. My timing is good though and I am clean, downstairs and my crap is on the bus within an hour. We arrive at the airport and take our positions online and all seems normal. I take some pictures, try to keep the day light and airy. When we get to the head of the line and start checking in, there are problems. No big thing really, it happens frequently because we are in a group. It gets mucked up and is a general pain in the ass for everyone, including the airline. Although I found out later, one of the problems is that the airline instead of booking us with one cat (Francesca's Tallulah) they have us all booked with cats. Hilarious, but a drag. My baggage is over weight (Big Boned, I say) and the woman is so sick of us and all the issues that she doesn't even charge me, just sends me on my way and out of her hair.
At the gate, it is revealed that our flight is delayed from Chicago because of "mechanical issues". I leave the gate and wander around and pass a TV with the local news on. The plastic man on the tube says that the St. Paul airport has shut down one of it's major runways leaving the skies completely conjested with planes. So the airline lied. Whatever. (eye roll). We are delayed even further and it is completely apparent that we are going to miss our connecting flight. The airline states that they are going to try and hold our next flight for us. No doubt this was the same person that lied earlier when telling us why we were delayed to begin with. Not for Nothin', but this really doesn't happen all that often. In fact, I am really shocked with the amount of flights we take, that it isn't more frequently the situation. (finds a piece of wood to knock)
So yeah, we get into Chi-town and our flight is gone. All of us (12 in this group) are flying STAND BY for the next flight and the airline at this point is kinda done with us and suggests we take the 6am flight the next day. (um suck it plane lady I have load in tonight.) Wayne, Roy and I luck out and get on the actor flight, allowing us to arrive just in time to start our crew at the theater. However, our luggage will not be joining us. Karl (Company Management) tells us to just go check in and not worry about the luggage.
We get in, check into the hotel, and I am over joyed by the kick ass enourmous room I got. It was practically a one bedroom apartment, and is definitely bigger than some one bedrooms in NYC. No time to roll around on the bed with glee, so i bolt for the theater.
Now it gets good.
Arriving at the theater, I take one look at Wayne and I know something is seriously wrong with him. He is sweating and shaking and looks like he is about to keel over. I ask him what's up and he reveals he has this spider bite that has become crazy infected and he thinks he needs to go to the hospital. It's just a monday night load in so I tell him to just get going. After much fussing and debating me about it, he goes. Roy and I get the crew going. I walk into the laundry room and there are the washers and dryers, but my laundry woman, Desiree, tells me they are not currently working. None of them.
SAY WHAT? (checks ears for wax) EXCUSE ME?
The house lady Karen says they should be up in an hour. OK I think. An hour late sucks big time but we can do it. But then nothing happens. I am waiting and waiting and I realize that if it's already a half hour, there is NO WAY that those machines will be all ready to go in 30 more minutes. Something has got to be did.
Let me explain something to you. Monday day night Load in is ALL ABOUT THE LAUNDRY for the show. That's why we are there. Yes, we set up dressing rooms, important repairs are done, but we stay as long as we do because of the wash. It has to be done. That is the reason why in our tech rider it is extremely specific about how many washers and dryers we need and that they are in working order WHEN WE ARRIVE. Karen then tells me that they won't be ready until the morning, which is completely unacceptable. While I am furious, there is no time to bitch. I have to solve the problem. So I don't ask, I tell Karen that in the next 5 minutes someone is taking myself and Desiree to a laundramat.
That's funny. even I laughed to myself thinking I hadn't done show laundry at a laundrmat since my Nebraska Theater Caravan days. So we load all that filthy stinky sweaty laundry into her SUV and hit it. I am not thrilled about this but as long as progress is being made I am cool. I was also thinking how much I was going to love telling you guys all about it, which did make it a little easier to swallow.
Desiree and I start cranking on the wash at the Lost Sock Coin Op laundramat. (I have to admit I was worried about a laundrmat by that name) I am training her on the show as we go, which was hilarious. The people in there were just confused as all hell. While we are there the locals start telling me their life stories. I have no idea why. I was obviously focused on what I was doing and I certainly didn't try to engage anyone in conversation, but the lady who runs the joint when I ask to buy a few hangers from her, starts telling me about how her mom in Thailand was just on the phone with her and her cousin died and she can't make it for the funeral. I mean, I am sorry she has lost someone she loves, but WHY ARE YOU TELLING ME????? Then as I am emptying a washer this local woman starts going into this long diatribe about her troubles and woes, and I just tune her out. No one is talking to Desiree. They are not even talking to each other. Why Me??? God the world is full of weirdness.
ANYWAY
So we knock the laundry out in an hour and a half which rocked and almost put us back on schedule. Roy has done as great job of keeping things moving at the theater. I haven't heard from Wayne and am starting to worry about him a lot. The rest of the night goes without incident. By some stroke of luck, I even had underwear in my trunk, so I was ok until my luggage got in.
I get up Tuesday morning, and Wayne calls to say that he has a terrible infection, is going to rest for the morning and then meet up with us for training the dressers in the afternoon. Ok. I think. I can handle this too. I run and fill his perscriptions for him, pick up some shampoo and conditioner and go back to the hotel. I go to get into the shower.

I am rarely this crass in my writing, but go with me.

In the mornings, like most normal human beings, nature calls and a crap is taken. Sometimes this experience is...(searching for decent word)...light...sometimes...not. On that morning my experience with my morning bodily needs was in fact not light at all.
I must say I even surprised myself. How was I to know that the Radisson Hotel plumbing system was not equipped to handle such a stellar movement. So when I flushed the toilet, everything went away (let me be clear it ALL went down the toilet) but then water started filling the bowl very quickly. Racing in fact. Then overflowed, and then just kept going and going. and going. and going. I couldn't budge the turn the water off thing in the back so called down to the lobby. They said someone was on the way. I start dropping towels and try sand bagging techniques used for hurricane storm surges but nothing would keep the water from coming out of the bathroom. Luckily, my luggage was STILL LOST so nothing of mine was on the floor that could be destroyed.
Now I shut down emotionally. I don't care anymore that the water is flowing out of the bathroom. I move into the living room and start packing up the small amout of things that were in my carry on. I brushed my teeth in the kitchen sink and ate a banana. Finally someone arrived and they were able to turn off the water. I call Roy and we move my crap into his room because the hotel has no free rooms until after 3pm. Fine. What the hell do I care with no luggage and a full load in Tuesday.

Arriving at the theater, Roy and I get going and the morning goes just fine. Well, in fact. Things are being accomplished and my brain is spinning plates easily. Multitasking rocks.
I don't hear from Wayne, so I figure he is either sleeping or moaning in pain. I decided we just have to plan for him being unable to teach the tracks and to plan on being on our own for Opening NIght.
This is what, the SEVENTH time this has happened since I started last January. Jesus Christmas. I have never in all my working days been involved with a show that had so many people go to the hospital. And always, ALWAYS on @#!%&$@! Load in! What the Hell?????

Do you remember waaaaaay back when I first starting writing about this tour in Tampa? My second day, the woman I was replacing called out sick and I had to do the show after only seeing it once out front and once backstage. Remember????
I mean, C'MOOOOOOOOOOON.

Anyway so we get to the afternoon. I skip lunch so I can set up my quick change booth for the women, and Wayne's quick change booth for the principal men. I train six dressers that afternoon. Usually I train three. I have no idea how I did that actually. The laundry woman (you remember Desiree) is ok, but not really catching on, and who can blame her when I had to teach her at the damn LAUNDRAMAT. My brain is working in the present and the future all at the same time. I start thinking about the show and what cues need to be covered and how I can fit them into my normal schedule. My regular show has me in the women's booth for almost the whole time. I have to figure out a way to cover Wayne's cues. Mitchell, our hair God, totally saves me and takes over some of my cues at the most difficult part of the show so that I can do the ones for the Principals that Wayne takes care of. This was a huge help to me, and Mitch can do his laundry anytime he damn well pleases as far as I am concerned.

Jeff in Company management handled my luggage issues and it arrived safely at my hotel. I went over for about about a half hour and moved into my new room and changed my clothes. Then Francesca calls me to tell me that the actor playing Lancelot just called out and Jonathan is going on. Jonathan has never performed the role before. I rush back to the theater. The role of Lancelot is one of the most complicated switches. It requires harness changes (he flies) and stilt adjustments, ( um...he walks on stilts) among other things. Great. Just Great.

Fast Forward to Half Hour before the show starts.
I look into the Principal quick change area and there is a filthy, overweight, hairy man standing there talking to Karl. There are other important venue people there as well. They are all looking up. it occurs to me that there is a problem, and since this is a wardrobe area, I decide I am now a part of the conversation, even though no one invited me. Apparently, there was a pipe that needed to be fixed or could possibly BLOW. Karl and Filthy Guy go back and forth over when and how it will be done, and how to protect our many gondolas that are all over the condemned area.
OK now, I think, someone needs to call Ashton Kutcher out of his hiding place. I know I am not famous, but this has got to be some cruel joke. Nope. It's reality on the Spamalot Tour. I am going to start calling it the Dramalot Tour, I think.
The pipe conversation goes on for a spell, and I realize that my dressers have questions and I just do not have time for this. I offer a solution, which is accpetable to all and life moves on. FOR THE LOVE OF GOD.

This is where it gets blurry. The show starts and it is all a jumble in my memory. My adrenaline is PUMPING the whole time and every single receptor cell in my body is on alert. I am trying to keep track of my area and Wayne's (they are both on stage left). I really had no idea what went on in Wayne's area, and honestly, figured it out while training the dressers that afternoon. Credit must be given to this amazing cast and crew. Those people had my back. Every single one of them stepped up to the plate and supported me. The local crew was GREAT. Not a weak one to be found. Mike Lipsitz needs a shout out too, for creating the best dresser show notes ever seen. And of course, Roy, who dealt with me all day long. This tour may very well be the hardest most drama filled thing I have ever been a part of, but at least the people, who may not get along all the time, realize we are all here for a common goal, and are professional to the core. I actualy got teary as the show ended. Mostly from the adrenaline, but also true emotion as well.

Tuesday was, potentially, a disastrous day. Instead, it turned out to be a day I am so proud of. I rarely compliment myself. Most of the time, I attribute my successes to luck, waiting for the moment when I will be revealed as a poser, a sham. And while luck was definitely involved, both negatively and positively, there is no way I can deny myself some sort of nod. I will give myself that. This one time.

This week continues to be a challenge. It is Friday. Wayne is still terribly ill and has been out all week, save for 2 hours when he really tried to be in, but just needed to concentrate on getting well. There are tons of swings and understudies on. Costume repairs have been particularly difficult, which requires using toxic chemicals, heated plastic, and rivets to repair. I have a load out in 2 days and another load in with another opening on the immediate horizon.

But you know, after dealing with Tuesday, I know I can handle anything this unbelievable experience has in store for me.

The Extra Pics:


After the Opening Night sperformance, Karl took us all out for drinks on the company. Nothing keeps the revolution at bay like FREE DRINKS!!!!! I drank way too much that evening. that's Mitchell, enjoying a tasty beverage.




The View From My Hotel Room Window



Every year, Kansas City has a parade on the Friday closest to the anniversary of Elvis' death. I have to admit, it was THE highlight of my week and the only thing I did other than work. Enjoy the shots!

This was actually the last Elvis in the parade. They saved the best for last, I guess. He looked and sounded the most like Elvis.





Oh c'mon that's so adorable. You know that kid is going to be humiliated when he is 13 and his dad is making him dresss like that every August.




THE BEST THING EVER IN THE HISTORY OF PARADES!!!!!!!!! An Elvis BAG PIPE BAND!!!!!!




I have no idea what to say.




Oh this guy. Ugh. What an idiot. This guy was rolling all around the back hood of the car, humping it, and spreading his legs like a stripper. Francesca and I were hoping he would fall off.




The worst of the bunch, in my opinion. The wig, the pick-up,...the kareoke machine - It's all just so wrong.




Oh my god this was the best parade.